Heal Before You Deal.. Don't stop the love

Prince Dede

We have all gone through something that has shaken the core of our values, our beliefs, our state of mind and in one way or the other it has affected every area of our lives. Life they say is not a bed of roses - we are always dealing with imperfect humans who when given the opportunity will hurt us, break us or make us regret our good deeds.

But we can't hold on to a pain forever we must learn to let go. We must try as much as possible to move from the pains to gains. 

Thinking you have moved on and having really moved on are two separate situations altogether. In the former, you continue to live under the shadow of that person or relationship without realizing it. You think you have been liberated but the truth is you are still living in a mental prison as you keep thinking about the person and past memories. This prevents you from receiving new things in your life.

Our heartbreak disappointment from a relationship shouldn't stop us from living the life we were created for. You were not created to be bitter but to be better. Here are three steps to getting back to your feet!

1. Acceptance 

Accept that you have been hurt. Most times people try to brush it out - they try to act strong when indeed they are going through pains. When you hide your pain you are only making it worse, in so doing you don't get better you just get bitter. When you accept that you have been hurt then healing can come.

2. Hurt Recognition - Recognise what hurt you

Recognising what hurt you is the next step to healing -You cannot kill what you cannot see. So what was it that hurt you about that relationship; that failed business; that job?. In my last relationship i realised that one of the things that really hurt me was that I ignored all the signs that she wasn't in love with me as much as i was with her - i was with someone who was only interested in her personal gain. 

Listing out the hurts helped me a lot in forgiving myself and moving on. That's what i call "Hurt Recognition"  "Was it how they broke your heart? How they manipulated you? The time and resources wasted?". Listing them out and Dealing with them one after the other is the best way to get healed.

3. Forgiveness

Sometimes we hang onto a grudge because we want to punish the other person. When we do this, it only causes us to suffer. We want to be in charge. We want to dole out the consequences. Instead, our bitterness backfires and we end up being hurt the more. you can't be truly free if you cannot forgive. 

Unforgiveness is carrying the sin and pain of another - They are living their life while you are dieing inside. And not until you forgive, you can never move on happily. So go out of your way today. Forgive that person! Let it go. Present the case to God and Live freely. Trust me He'll handle it perfectly.

4. Moving on

The moving-on process will take time, probably longer than you might think. I’m talking about being fully cleansed of all lingering hang-ups and scars from the incident, not just moving on on a surface level. 

But with consistent effort and determination to have a better life - to love and be a rejuvenated you, will get you there! So don't give up on yourself, the future holds something greater!

10 Steps to Move On From a Relationship by Celestine Chua was cited